You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
