I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
