Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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