So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize