Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
