I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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