I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
