Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize