Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
