So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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