there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize