My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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