the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
