I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What drink are we having for lunch?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
