Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize