she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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