we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize