Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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