I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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