why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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