we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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