Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
