Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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