Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
