Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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