it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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