Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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