He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
