I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
