Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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