I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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