i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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