what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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