she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
