hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
