My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
