The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
