saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
