I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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