that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize