How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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