that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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