How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
