Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
