hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize