So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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