i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
