names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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