return my video game
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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