There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize