he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He passed out mid-signature
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
