We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
