you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize