Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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