She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My life is pants optional.
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