i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
