and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize