Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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