I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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