If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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