no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
