i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
