Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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