She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This baby is an asshole
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
