Your tits are I can't wait for
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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