Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize