Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
