So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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