My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
