Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
