Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
