i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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