well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
