nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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