there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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