i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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