i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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