The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize