i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize