Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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