Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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