So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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