I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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