all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We talked him into tasing himself.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
