Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
