we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize