remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
