I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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