I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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