By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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