just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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