I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
