Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
