Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
