I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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