areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
