ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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