that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you had me at cake vodka
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
