What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
