meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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