Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
