You really coming over, don't trick.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
