Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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