So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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