M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
