So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
