I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
