I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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