I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this just has baby written all over it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
